My name is Lukoli Johns Brown, a 35-year-old Ugandan, born in one of Uganda’s villages called Kansanga, also a Parish in Makindye division, in Makindye East county of Kampala City. I am happily married, a father of two kids a Boy and a girl.

I am a Journalist by profession, working with the Uganda Broadcasting Corporation (UBC), where I have been working for the past five years.

I grew up with a single mother, to the age of 12 years when my mother passed. Two years before that, I lost my young sister to HIV. She contracted it at birth since we were in a poor state we didn’t even know what to do or how to handle the situation.

Our mother came from a family with many siblings more than 20 children since her father had 5 wives. My Mom started living alone in her childhood because of the war back then everyone had to go his/her own way, so she had to struggle for her life to survive. For that matter she didn’t finish her education, only going as far as primary school.

Because of the life she lived and sleeping around with many men, She got pregnant at 12 years of age, she carried her pregnant for 9 months in pain because she didn’t know what to do being a child herself, nor did she know the father to her baby (me in this case), and she gave birth to me, her firstborn when she was very young in 1974. At that time the war had just ended in Uganda which ushered in the current regime.

My mother started living with me as a single mom in a small room, and she told me I couldn’t talk until I was 2 years old, she thought I would never speak. She was my Mom, and at the same time my Dad as well as my best friend till her death.

Mom gave birth to another child in the room where we lived, because of the life we lived, I grew up with thoughts and questions about why mom is allowed to be pregnant in this difficult life, she had no answer when I asked her. I realized she was doing all that she did for us to get food.

Our mother didn’t get married, and however much my four siblings had the same Dad. When I was 10 years old my youngest sister fell sick, for about two weeks, we tried getting her medication, all in vain, she passed on in my arms as I was trying to comfort her, she had HIV which she got from our mum at birth, she was ……. years old. Then their Dad (my stepfather) came and took my other siblings away and I remained just with mum alone in the house. I had to help her around and bathe her because her life deteriorating, with all her HIV symptoms.

In 1997, Mom’s life took a turn, her skin started changing, she started losing hair, and I heard her cry day and night. until one day when she told me that she had HIV and it was killing her. That was the first time I heard about HIV, She told me that there was no medicine for it, and even if the medicine was there we had no money to buy it, and we couldn’t have afforded it. She asked me to forgive her for not knowing the man who got her pregnant with me as she spoke of blessings upon my life that;

I would be blessed, loved, and Rich, and I was going to help children and bless them with Education and food, and as I bring hope into their lives, children like me. It was the last night my beloved Mom passed away because in the morning I called her with no answer. She died so young, was born in 1973, and passed away in January 2001, when she was 28 years old.

However, she told me the name Lukoli means one of the Birds, in our Language, (in English means Eagle) Lukoli means the person with a strong vision, moves with speed, lives in the present, rises above any problem, finds opportunities, gets out of his comfort zone, fly high, be courageous, and embrace the pain.

I was 12 years old, and in that year 2001 she passed away, so I started a new world of living life without my parents. Nowhere to stay, and no one to talk with my Mom was everything to me. I had to join a bad group of kids and started leaving on the street looking for something to eat, staying sleeping outside on the street. Many people started giving me something to eat. But one day in the night a lady came to me and asked me why am stayed here on the street of Road, had no answers for her. But she requested me to go with her and hold my hand and told me that she was taking me somewhere, where I’d have a place to stay and get food new. We reached the place where she told me, it was church. She left me there at church I had nowhere to start. I entered the church and slept inside the first day. In the morning I joined a group of young people at church, and we started cleaning in church. After they called us to have breakfast, oh… oh I thought it was joke having a breakfast. In a week the leader of the church started loving me and the pastor gave me a place where stay with many kids in the room. I got a new life there and I found a new family, I joined the choir in the church in 2002. In 2003, I decided to leave the choir and join the Media Department. Since my childhood, I loved the camera and I was so blessed to serve God in Media. My life started changing every day and I gave God all my life every day in my prayers begging Him God to use me the way He wanted. The vision I had in my heart for helping others was growing in me. The truth is I loved the second life I am living at church.

But didn’t know that some leaders in the church were not good because I started seeing another difficult life from one of the pastors, things started like a game or joked with me and pastor. One day he told me that he is not feeling he hard pain in his body, so he told me to massages him all his body but after pastor touch my hand and he told me to massage his penis, he had a bottle of oil which I was using it to massages him. To me I thought that it’s just for one day. But He had to called me every day in his bedroom before we go to sleep, to massages him using my hands so that he feels good and he make sure that I do until he finished with poached his spams in my hands, like the way he has done sex with the woman, I started learning new things from pastor. I remember waking up in the morning to pray to God to bring my father because I was missing the Father’s love in life after my Mom passed away. Man of God didn’t allowed me to pray in the morning because every morning at around 5:00am he had to wait for me without and he said you boy come to my room and he added that what you are looking from God or praying to God is in my blessing so come, I have to listen to him because I wanted a place where to stay. Massaging him every morning became my a daily breakfast for me. I thought in church they are all holy people of God, I started seeing this mad of God like one of Satan’s people. I started hating my life in my minds I was thinking to cut off his penis Because I was as so tired of his game. I myself started doing masturbation.

In 2005 one of church member said to me that she wants to take me to her place and she promised to take care of me, I had to believe her and I decided to go with her to work for her as houseboy. She had 5 people in her house her 3 kids and her sister and her Mom, her Mom was 87 years old. The lady promised to pay me 20,000 thousand shilling Per very months, exchange in dollars it was 10 dollars per month in that time. I had to cook, helping her mom to go to the toilets every time she feel like, washing the clothes. In first month she didn’t paid me I took it easy because I knew that she will pay, I waited until 6 months not paying for my salary. She refused to pay only saying that I was eating her food too and slept in her house. I decided to leave her place and I came back to church in tears only because I thought that I had run away from Satan man of God was using you. I had to asked myself if God is there why not him hear my prayer and change my life.

I started remembering the sickness killed my Mom because of no medicine for it. I hard to pray and pray to God to help me from that, God was not answered my prayer at time but I had to keep on praying and believing that one day He will answer me. I continue massaged the man of God because he was giving me some little money after the job done, so I go to salons to cutting my hair.

But in all this difficult life I was living in my hope was in God.

In the year of 2007 the team of 14 people from America visited our church in Uganda. I thank God that I was one of the who was going to take care to the team from USA. We had to cook, washing they clothes for one week. On they last day at the hotel where they was staying, one Lady from team of USA called me in her room she told me don’t fear me, I sat down on chair. She told me that she is called Dr. Ophelia Garmon Brown, asked me my name and about me, oh oh oh oh it was someone trying to kill me because my English was not good at all. I wanted to call someone to come to help me to translating the language, I started crying I didn’t know what to tell her or which words I can speak with her that that she can understood me well. But she told me no please speak what you can I’ll understand you Son, oh my God when she called me Son I smiled she said liked your smile. I got energy told her all about me told her my two name first name Lukoli got it from my beloved mother the second name Johns I got it from church. After telling her all about my life. She started crying after while she told me that from this day you are my Ugandan Son will take care of you, she ended up adding her name Brown to me she gave me $ 200 dollars it was my first to touch on dollar. On that day they went back home, at first my communication was poor I had no phone at that time so I had to wait her until she come back in Uganda. But she was so good in that because every year she was coming two times in a year. Finally I got a phone she had to calls me every week the life started changing and I went back to school again. But pastor was still using me by massages him. But one day pastor wanted to change the game by using me in my back. That night I changed my face because I was tired of him. I told him pastor from today never ever called me in your room and I will never forget you and stops using orphan kids because they don’t have a place to stay. From day man of God started treating me badly, One day I went back where we were staying I found out my clothes was outside of the house asked friends what’s going on and who did it they told me a person who did that and my place was ready got a new member. I cried……. all the day. I told my mom in USA about that she was not happy at all. She told me to look house for rent in the year 2012 I started living alone and I was still in school. She stopped coming back to Uganda from 2012 but our communication was so good, loving me, taking care to me all the time I need help from her she send money for me to get what I need and to pay for house. She was suffering with blood cancer for almost 15 years. In November 2021 she passed away. I remembered she wanted me to visit her in America but the plan stopped on the way. I always thank God for her life and for allowing her to love me as he child, she loved me with all her heart, always she will stay in my heart forever.

I went ahead to pray to God to heal me from masturbation I was tired of doing that because even. God heard my prayer God healed me from that sickness of Masturbation. I am still praying to God to bring love back to me again. I am married man now but the feeling of love is still down. When I remember all I have seen in my life and happened to me.

But all in all the vision God planted in my heart of helping orphans and vulnerable kids, was still in me, and growing up every day in the difficult life I was living, I had to help some kids at church and out of church.

Today, I sit and reflect on 21 years ago at KANSANGA MIRACLE CENTER CHURCH, where I grew up as an ORPHAN) and serving God in the Media Department. I remember what God did then. I went through fire but never got burnt. I almost gave up on life because of words spoken about me from all circles ” we call Christian”! The closest people in my life would hurt and cause pain. I will never forget when a church member said, “‘you will never amount to anything! I cried and I had never cried that much, even when my Mom died, I never cried like I did that day. But In the night I cried to God in the church he was with me all the night…….One thing I remember saying ‘Remember me ooh Lord, Remember me Heavenly Father’ Without a Father or Mother or any serious education by then or any relative to depend on I started a journey of living by Faith depending on God alone….Today, I look back and smile “When I see God’s ministry he started in me by Blessing people with free study bibles and helping vulnerable kids to go back to school” Smiles turn to tears, but back to smiles. My Story is God’s Story.

In Uganda, growing up without knowing your Dad is a hard life, just like I already told you, she didn’t know who is my father was, this is very difficult and painful, you feel it piercing straight to the heart, every day and every year I asked her about my father until she died without giving me any answers about the roots and the where bouts of my Father or His Family.

Living a difficult life, the Lord gave me a VISION in my childhood with what I had to go through, the vision was about helping orphans, homeless kids, and vulnerable kids, and I discovered that I am not alone living in the life am today, the Lord showed me many….many children who are suffering without family.